


Just Friends and That's Why It Hurts

by completelyhopeless



Category: DCU, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, F/M, Gen, Unrequited Love, two circus birds universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-15
Updated: 2015-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-07 14:56:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3176509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/completelyhopeless/pseuds/completelyhopeless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn't Bruce, Jason, or Clint that made Dick stay away from Gotham. It was Babs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Friends and That's Why It Hurts

**Author's Note:**

> In part, for the prompt: _[any, any/any, I'm sick of love, I wish I'd never met you](http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/557817.html?thread=78405625)_
> 
> Also to bridge part of the gaps in the circus birds AU, but I admit, I'm not really sure a gen version of this could be done. I just know there's a bit of time that passes between when Clint gets recruited by S.H.I.E.L.D. and when Natasha does and also when Babs gets shot by Joker.
> 
> So this is one of those small pieces. 
> 
> It's also a kind of follow up to [Two Loves, Two Calls](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Two_Circus_Birds/works/3110273) at least, this would take place after the first part of it as well as after [Birds with Missions](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Two_Circus_Birds/works/3171125).
> 
> I hope it can kind of stand on its own, though.

* * *

If he was honest about it, his refusal to go back to Gotham had nothing to do with Bruce and the way everything had fallen apart. It wasn't even about Bruce replacing him with a new Robin. That still stung, and Dick couldn't say his reaction to it was healthy, but he knew the real reason he wanted to stay away had red hair and a beautiful smile.

He closed his eyes and let out a breath. Maybe if he'd stayed with the Titans he wouldn't have cared, but he'd been too much of a wreck to do that, just like he couldn't have stayed with Bruce. He knew it was the coward's way out, but sometimes he wished that he had been able to hire Clint back when he'd been stupid enough to think he could visit Babs.

Everyone had moved on when he was away from Gotham, and he should have expected it, but none of it had been as much of a surprise as Babs' new boyfriend. Dick understood Bruce's need for a Robin, the way he'd depended on Robin to keep him back from the edge, and when Dick couldn't do it, he'd needed someone else.

Dick had just been stupid enough not to see what everyone else knew. He was in love with Babs, had been since he met her, probably, but he hadn't known until she had someone else, and seeing that had made him wish he could have persuaded Clint to put an arrow in him and end the misery.

He'd been fine loving Babs when he wasn't aware of how deep it went, when he could pretend it was just friendship, but now he knew and he couldn't ignore it.

The phone rang, and Dick grabbed it blindly, not even looking at the id. “I'm surprised S.H.I.E.L.D. lets you make phone calls. Aren't you supposed to be working in secret?”

“I'm halfway across the world. Why aren't you sleeping?”

Dick let out a breath. “You want a good answer or the real one?”

“Give me the good one,” Clint answered. “I bet I can guess the real one.”

“You still owe me twenty dollars from our last bet,” Dick reminded him, looking up at his ceiling. “I can't sleep because there's a crime spree going on and I need to stop it.”

“Yeah, because Nightwing has been protecting what city again?” Clint snorted. “I thought you were going to make it good, Dick. That's not good.”

“I told Babs how I felt.”

“You need me to come get you again?”

“No. I'm fine.”

“You're lying. I hate when you say you're fine.”

“What am I supposed to say, Clint? It's _Babs._ She's been a part of my life for so long that I don't know how _not_ to interact with her. She's Batgirl, so even the night isn't free of her, but when I see her, it hurts. It's stupid, but it hurts. I swear, sometimes I wish I hadn't met her.”

“No, you don't.”

“I don't,” Dick agreed, closing his eyes with a wince. “We're done talking about me. What does S.H.I.E.L.D. have you doing? Or can you not talk about it?”

“Can't. I can, however, tell you what May and I did to Coulson's office...”

* * *

The knock on the door pulled Dick out of bed just as he was almost asleep, and he grumbled to himself as he got up, crossing to the door and pulling it open without thinking. He should have. Years of being Robin and dealing with Bruce should have taught him better than this, should have made him prepare for it, but then again, he didn't know that anything would have.

“Babs.”

“I think you should invite me in for this,” she said, and he just looked at her. He thought she'd said plenty the day before, and he wasn't going to have this conversation twice. “Please.”

“Look, I'm a big boy, been through a lot, and I accept what you said. It's going to be awkward for a while, but we can just give it some time and—”

“Jason asked me to marry him.”

“He's twelve.”

“Not that Jason, Dick.”

“Congratulations. I'm happy for you. I am. You deserve to be happy, and as long as he makes you happy, that's all that matters,” Dick said, impressed with himself for not choking on the words. He felt like puking, but he wouldn't let himself do that until she was gone and he'd had a lot too drink.

She shook her head. “You are not as good a liar as you think you are.”

“It does matter to me that you're happy,” he said. “Just... don't expect me to be okay with the fact that it's with someone else, at least not right now. It wasn't even—I came back, you know. To Gotham. When I was still trying to get my head together. I was going to see you and Alfred, but your boyfriend got to you before I did, and that was when I knew what everyone else apparently already did—that I loved you.”

She sighed. “Dick, you know I care about you, but you and Clint are like brothers to me and—”

“You said that last night. I told you—I get it. I wish I could go back and have that be what it is for me, but it isn't. I swear I didn't come back to Gotham this time to ruin things for you or to torture Jason, despite what he thinks, or to work with Bruce. I didn't tell you because I was trying to come between you and him. I just... Couldn't pretend it wasn't there, and with the close quarters we were stuck in, it was going to be obvious in a few seconds anyway.”

“I thought you had a girl on the Titans.”

“I got kissed, and maybe it might have been more if I hadn't gotten hit by the nanobots and had to take all that time off, but the Titans weren't any more willing to work with me then than Bruce was. I was a liability. Everyone knew that,” Dick reminded her, and she winced. “I'm fine now. Clint got me through it and back to something close to normal, and I've been kind of thinking about rejoining the Titans because I turned down S.H.I.E.L.D, but I haven't actually done it.”

She nodded. “Are you sure that's what you want? You could do something besides be a vigilante. If you don't want to be an agent—”

“You're giving up being Batgirl,” Dick said, his stomach heaving again.

“If I do marry Jason, I'll be moving. It'll be suspicious, I'll lack the resources, and I won't be in a city that needs it like Gotham does.” She gave him a smile. “I can still do good even if I'm not under a cowl. There are so many ways I could help that don't involve being in costume. Maybe that's what you need, too.”

Dick tried not to laugh. He didn't know what he'd do if he wasn't Nightwing. He'd been almost destroyed by losing Robin, and who was she kidding? She couldn't give up being a hero. It was who she was, not something she did for fun. She'd find her way back into this mess whether she knew it or not. She would never be satisfied with a day job alone, not with the system being as screwed up as it was. It might be worse in Gotham, but it wasn't perfect anywhere.

Instead, he said, “I'll miss you, Babs.”

“This isn't goodbye. It's not like I'm leaving yet, and you better not go running off this time.”

He wanted it to be goodbye because it hurt too much, and he thought he'd rather be back with Two-Face than deal with this. He knew he'd be out tonight _looking_ for a fight. He'd take one right now.

“Don't do anything stupid,” she said, touching his arm before she hugged him. “Please.”

“Not planning on killing myself.” Just picking a few fights, getting a lot drunk, and maybe finding someone else just as miserable and lonely as he was to commiserate with. “I'll be okay.”

She nodded, stepping back and giving him a smile before leaving. He shut the door, leaning back and letting his head hit the wood. His room wasn't worth trashing, none of his things worth breaking, but he kicked one of the boxes before almost putting his hand through the wall.

This would have been easier if he'd just broken up with a stranger, if he was like Bruce and had that revolving door of women for his cover. Babs was his best friend. She knew him in ways no one else did, no one but Clint, and she was under his skin and in his memories in ways that no one else could hope to be. 

He should never have come back to Gotham. He should have taken the damn job with S.H.I.E.L.D, to hell with the body count.


End file.
